Men: She’s not asking for a solution — she’s asking for you.

From an early age, most men are trained to fix.

We earn our value by providing, protecting, and solving problems. And, often, women want us to fix things. The broken faucet. The tech issue. The plan that fell apart.

So when she brings us a challenge, we assume that what she wants is a fix. But in relationships, that instinct often misses the mark. At MELD, in our couples retreats and workshops, we teach men a different way.

We show this short video at these events. It always gets a laugh, but drives home the point, “It’s not about the nail.” That viral video where the woman shares how she feels, and the man keeps offering a fix? That’s us, until we learn to slow down and connect to ourselves.

What if her “problem” isn’t something to solve? What if the fix she truly needs is to be heard, felt, and held; not managed? What if your deepest value wasn’t what you do, but how you show up?

Her healing comes not from your answer, but from your presence. Her safety comes not from your plan, but from your patience.

When she opens up, she may not even realize she’s looking for something other than a solution.

She may frame it as something broken. But underneath is often:

• A need for connection
• A longing to be seen
• A fear she’s holding  the relationship alone
• A sadness she doesn’t know how to name

And you, as a man, have the rare opportunity to go deeper, not by fixing the surface problem, but by meeting her where she is. This isn’t weakness. This is a new form of strength. It’s the kind of emotional leadership for which we strive.

Being in your own body. Feeling what’s really happening. Seeing her as innocent, vulnerable, and human, not as a puzzle to solve. This is what we mean by Functional Men’s Work. Real-world skills. Rooted in science. Practiced in community.

And powerful enough to change your relationship, starting today.