Laughter can be a powerful tool for connection, a harmless joke, or a shield we use to protect our vulnerabilities. In Adam Grant’s insightful book Think Again, he presents a compelling look at how the target of our laughter often mirrors our deepest insecurities and our personal sense of security.

Laughing at Ourselves: A Sign of Security

When we laugh at ourselves, it often signals a comfort with our imperfections. For many of us, including myself, embracing our flaws is not just an option but a necessity. As someone who navigates the complexities of dyslexia, I’ve learned that laughing at my own “stupid mistakes,” as society might label them, is not self-deprecation but a form of self-compassion. It’s about leaning into the absurdity of life’s imperfections.

Similarly, living with Asperger’s Syndrome has taught me the importance of compassion—both for myself and for others when I inadvertently put my foot in my mouth. This laughter is not about mockery; it’s a release valve, a moment of acknowledging that I am not perfect, and that’s perfectly okay.

Laughing at Others: A Reflection of Insecurity

However, when our laughter turns outward, the dynamics shift dramatically. Grant suggests that laughing at others often stems from a place of insecurity. We project our unresolved emotions and judgments onto others, perhaps because it’s easier to critique than to confront our issues.

At MELD, we explore how these projections are not just fleeting thoughts but can solidify into deeply held beliefs that shape how we view others and ourselves. By understanding this, we can start to unravel these threads of judgment and replace them with empathy and genuine curiosity.

The Double-Edged Sword of Laughter

Laughter has the power to diminish—it can knock someone off a pedestal or reduce them to less than they are. But this same mechanism that can hurt can also heal. When we laugh at ourselves in the presence of others, we signal that it’s safe to be imperfect. We show that vulnerability is not just acceptable but valued.

In group settings, such as those fostered in MELD’s Core and Forge groups, laughter can become a communal experience that reinforces safety and connection. It reminds us that everyone has their struggles, and it’s okay to share them. I discovered a long time ago in my groups that when the group is connected, we all laugh with each other about ourselves. Rather than do what I used to do, and many men do where we ‘joke’ about someone and subtly belittle them, we tease with compassion and honor.

Reflecting on the Impact of Laughter

To delve deeper, consider these reflections:

• Who laughed at you? Recall a moment when laughter felt like an attack. What was the underlying insecurity it revealed?
• What did you do to deal with it? How did you respond, and what did you learn about yourself from that experience?
• What is scary about making it about yourself? When we shift the focus of laughter from others to ourselves, what are we letting go of? Is it the illusion of perfection, or perhaps the fear of vulnerability?

In Think Again, Grant not only challenges us to reconsider our approach to knowledge and opinions but also to how we use tools like laughter in our interactions. Maybe the next time we feel the urge to laugh at someone, we will choose laughter that heals rather than harms and builds bridges rather than barriers.