I didn’t set out to “add value.”
That phrase was not even in my vocabulary when I was a kid. I was just trying to keep up with everyone else, to avoid standing out for the wrong reasons. With dyslexia and Asperger’s, it was like running a race where everyone else knew the course and I did not.
So, I copied. I watched how other kids moved and talked, and even how they laughed. I tried to blend in. And I failed. No matter how hard I tried, I always seemed to show up a little off.
It took me years to stop trying to be like everyone else. It was not a single epiphany. It was more like giving up on something that had been exhausting me for too long. When I finally dropped the act, I did not suddenly feel free or enlightened. I just felt… empty.
But then something odd happened. In the absence of trying to fit in, I started to notice what actually lit me up. I found myself following threads of curiosity, ideas, projects, ways of connecting with people that had nothing to do with fitting in and everything to do with what I uniquely saw. And when I shared, people noticed. Not everyone liked what I shared. But the right people leaned in.
The Comedian Who Couldn’t Fake It
I think about someone like Hasan Minhaj, the comedian from Patriot Act. He did not get traction by being the next Seinfeld or the next Jon Stewart. He told deeply personal stories, weaving in cultural references that half the audience might not get… but the half that did got it deep.
Minhaj took the risk of alienating some viewers to offer something original to others. He added value by putting something into the world that was not there before, something only he could make.
That is the thing: adding value is not about improving what is already there. It is about contributing what is missing, even when it feels risky or misunderstood.
What I Saw in Groups
In the groups I started, the men who have made the most significant impacts are not the ones who follow the structure or repeat the safe lines. They are the ones who reveal something real, try something untested, or ask a question to another man that takes him deeper into what was a disconnection.
Sometimes it is messy. Sometimes they get pushback. But they have added something to the collective that was not there before. And that changes everything.
What No One Tells You About Risk
When you give from your unique center, a few things happen:
And you will feel more fulfilled than you ever did playing it safe. You bring value that did not previously exist.
Because now you are not waiting for change to arrive. You are the change. People start to accept you not just for what you produce, but for the beauty of your perspective, your care, your presence. And when you are serving something bigger than yourself, people can feel it, and it is easier for them to join you.
Your Turn
Adding value is not about polishing what has already been done. It is about bringing what only you can bring. That means risk. That means stepping outside the warm center of the tribe into the edge, where things can get cold and lonely.
So here are the real questions:
What do you see, know, or feel that is missing in the world around you?
What could you put into the mix that is unmistakably yours?
And who are the people who can help you hold your nerve when you do?
Find them. They are your tribe.
Because the world does not just need more value.
It needs your value.
