We are often asked about how the work at MELD compares to IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy. Both work with the parts of ourselves from which we become disconnected because of trauma, stress, lack of safety, lack of connection, and our culture.
A few years ago, we had Richard Schwartz on our program. In addition to admiring his skill, the courage and commitment he showed in standing behind his IFS when his colleagues were sure it was not effective were impressive. Today, IFS is one of the most popular therapies to study and receive. It goes beyond understanding to creating sustainable change.
Essentially, IFS builds awareness of the many internal parts that can end up working against us. MELD focuses less on the parts themselves and more on the underlying state that drove them to leave in the first place. When we can feel safe and slow down the stress response, we can stay present with experiences we once had to avoid. In that presence, the part(s) that dissociated often return naturally. Once they are reintegrated, true understanding follows.
Following are a few charts that dive deeper into each aspect.
Area | MELD | IFS |
Parts Awareness | Sees men as having different emotional “tracks” or patterns — often survival-driven (e.g., freeze, fight, flight, fawn) — and helps them recognize when they are being run by an old pattern. | Sees the psyche as made up of “parts” (managers, firefighters, exiles) and helps people identify which part is active. |
Self as Leader | Uses somatic awareness and group connection to help men return to a coherent, regulated “center” that can lead with integrity and presence. | Aims to access the “Self,” a calm, compassionate inner leader that can relate to all parts without being blended with them. |
Non-pathologizing | Frames survival responses as intelligent adaptations — not as flaws — and uses them as entry points to growth. | Frames parts as protective, well-intentioned even if their strategies are outdated or maladaptive. |
Integration vs. Elimination | Encourages men to befriend and integrate their nervous system patterns rather than suppress them. | Helps the “Self” develop compassionate relationships with parts so they can transform and integrate. |
Dimension | MELD | IFS |
Primary Entry Point | Body first: men track physiological cues, sensations, and impulses to locate what is happening before labeling it. | Mind first: users start by noticing a feeling or thought and then identify to which part it belongs. |
Environment | Primarily communal: men practice in real-time with others, using co-regulation and feedback. | Primarily internal: sessions are often one-on-one or self-guided, with the “parts dialogue” happening inside the person. |
Change Mechanism | Leverages somatic release + relational safety to complete survival responses (shaking, breath, movement, emotional expression). | Uses internal dialogue + Self-leadership to renegotiate parts’ roles and heal exiled wounds. |
Language | Grounded in nervous system terms, plain speech, and lived male experience while avoiding over-therapized language. | Uses an explicit model with defined roles (“Self”, Managers, Firefighters, Exiles) and therapy terminology. |
Scope | Expands from personal healing to relational leadership and community contribution. | Focuses on intrapsychic healing, sometimes with relational extensions. |
MELD Survival Pattern | Nervous System State | IFS Part Equivalent | What It Is Doing |
Fight | Sympathetic activation (mobilized, aggressive energy) | Manager or Firefighter | Defends boundaries, controls environment, pushes away perceived threats. |
Flight | Sympathetic activation (mobilized, escaping) | Manager or Firefighter | Seeks safety by leaving, avoiding, overworking, or distracting. |
Freeze | Dorsal vagal shutdown (immobility, dissociation) | Exile protected by a Manager | Disconnects to avoid overwhelm; body/mind “goes offline” to survive. |
Fawn | Mixed state: appeasement + dorsal collapse | Manager (pleaser, caretaker) | Gains safety by appeasing others, suppressing own needs, hyper-attuning to others. |
In IFS, the Self is calm, compassionate, curious, connected, confident, courageous, creative, and clear.
In MELD, the coherent center is a regulated nervous system, present in the body, congruent with self and others, and able to respond rather than react.
IFS:
1. Identify and unblend from the part.
2. Witness its story without judgment.
3. Offer care, understanding, and renegotiation.
4. Help the part release its burden.
MELD:
1. Notice the body cues signaling a survival pattern.
2. Stay present in somatic and relational experience (co-regulation in group).
3. Let the body complete the survival cycle (shake, cry, breathe, move).
4. Integrate: align internal state with external action in real life.
Both IFS and the MELD Method share the view that we have many parts that we have not been able to fully integrate into our body or consciousness. Start to notice when you zone out or react without awareness or productivity. Observe where you go and what that “part” is telling you. Discern what is true and what is not. Then, notice what you want to escape from, if you can, while feeling it, speak, or take action to help melt your freeze response and bring your part back as a resource you can use.
