At the heart of personal growth lies a potent duo that can significantly transform our experiences and perspectives: connection and play. While these elements might seem simple at first glance, their impact on our development is profound, offering pathways to unlock our potential and foster substantial personal growth. We’ve observed how these elements naturally emerge during our retreats and groups, creating environments where men feel safe to be themselves, thus fostering genuine moments of joy and vulnerability.

I grew up believing I didn’t have a sense of humor. I couldn’t remember or tell a joke, and many jokes didn’t feel funny. Yet once I started the Sandpoint Men’s Group in 2025, I quickly saw I had a unique sense of humor. I was the guy commenting about what happened that had everyone laughing.

At first, I was concerned that a joke would distract from an intense moment. As the group progressed, we were all OK with uncomfortable moments. Yet when it was time to move on, laughter became the desert to deep work.

As I taught other men to start and lead groups, I would say something is wrong if you aren’t having fun. Part of the problem is we can take this work and ourselves too seriously. I also understand so often, as men, we would ‘joke,’ and it was actually a subtle cut against a man. I expected to see that occasionally happen in a group. In the 20 years of my latest version of men’s groups, I can’t recall when a man was mean under the guise of a joke.

The Transformative Power of Play

Play is often associated with childhood, but its benefits extend well into adulthood. Engaging in play has a unique way of relaxing the mind, opening us up to new possibilities, and enhancing our capacity to connect with others. Play is not just a respite from the seriousness of life; it is a means of stimulating creativity and innovation. It breaks down barriers and allows us to approach problems from fresh angles. When we play, our minds become more adaptable, less bound by conventional solutions, and more willing to generate novel ideas.

This psychological flexibility gained from play is crucial for personal development. It prepares us for vulnerabilities—creating a safe space where we can experiment without the fear of failure or judgment. This environment is particularly impactful during our retreats, where the stakes can feel high as individuals navigate their personal growth journeys.

The Crucial Role of Connection

Connection complements play by deepening the emotional impact of these experiences. Through connection, play becomes a shared activity that not only entertains but also builds bonds among participants. These bonds are founded on shared vulnerabilities and the collective experience of stepping out of comfort zones together. As researchers note, activities that encourage emotional openness and shared vulnerability, such as those facilitated at MELD retreats, are instrumental in creating deep, meaningful connections.[i]

These connections are not superficial. They are built on the principles of emotional safety and mutual respect, aspects we emphasize in all our group interactions. The safety to express oneself without fear of negative repercussions enables participants to explore aspects of their personalities and capabilities that might remain hidden in less supportive environments.

Seeing Play and Connection in Action

At our MELD retreats, we witness the spontaneous emergence of play and fun as men feel secure enough to show their true selves. This transformation is often visible as participants engage in activities designed to break the ice and encourage open, heartfelt interactions. These activities are not just about having fun; they are carefully crafted to support our broader goals of emotional wellness and community building.

As men, when we know the ‘rules of engagement’, we relax. We enjoy sports partly because there is a clear set of agreements and delineated areas we must play in. Our groups and retreats are no different. We have simple rules that are honored. Confidentiality is the most critical.

The Bigger Picture of Play

Incorporating play and connection into our lives is essential for anyone looking to unlock their potential and foster personal growth. We too often believe personal growth needs to be hard and not fun. Some of my most significant shifts happened when I was being real, expressive, and having fun. As a man trained work, all work came first; playing, laughing, and being myself can be a stretch.

Two phenomena prove the space is safe in a new group or at a retreat. One is the first man who risks speaking and is not shamed but honored; the other is when the group can laugh at itself. Both can be risky. Yet, the risks deepen the safety and connection. Both increase vagal tone, which is the polyvagal theory’s way of saying our nervous system down-regulates, and relaxes when we are having fun, fostering greater co-regulation and connection.

We learn that being ourselves is a gift to others.

Some men have places in their lives where they play. Many men, as we age, become more lonely and play less. It’s not a coincidence that these two increase with age. We’ve had men who come to our retreats say they haven’t cried in decades, and when they did, they felt years of stress leave. We’ve had other men say the same about their belly laughs. Often, it’s the man who did one that does the other – one deep release sets up another.

Where in your life do you laugh and play?

I know beyond the honor of assisting men in creating change they never thought possible during a weekend, and I selfishly look forward to having a considerable amount of fun. Being with a group of men being themselves is revitalizing.

[i] Influence of play on positive psychological development in emerging adulthood: A serial mediation model https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1057557/full