Does Therapy Need to Be a Grind?

Therapy can feel like a long, painful grind. You show up, you talk, you analyze. If you’re lucky, you start noticing changes — sometimes after months, sometimes years. For many men, this process feels frustratingly slow, abstract, and disconnected from real life.

The GQ article “In Defense of the Long, Painful Grind of Therapy” examines this reality, acknowledging that therapy is not designed to provide quick fixes. Instead, it is a deliberate, methodical process of rewiring thought patterns. While that approach can be effective, it also comes with limitations, especially for men.

The traditional therapy model assumes that talking about problems is the best path to resolving them. It operates under the belief that insight alone leads to change. While this can be true, it is not necessarily the most effective model for men. Many men struggle to process emotions through verbal self-analysis alone. Others feel isolated in therapy’s one-on-one nature, missing the relational and communal dynamics that are essential for growth. Still others find themselves intellectually understanding their emotions but unable to embody that understanding in their daily lives.

None of this suggests that therapy is ineffective. The real question is whether traditional therapy is the best method for emotional growth for all men. Could there be a higher return on investment — one that allows men to make meaningful change in a way that aligns more naturally with how they process emotions and experience the world?

Where Therapy Helps — and Where It Falls Short

Psychotherapy is well-researched and widely regarded as an effective intervention for anxiety, depression, and personal development. The American Psychological Association confirms that therapy provides significant benefits across a range of emotional and psychological challenges (APA, 2012).

Yet, not all therapy models are equally effective for all people, and research suggests that men may require different approaches than those traditionally used in talk therapy.

One of the core challenges men face in therapy is cognitive overload. Many therapeutic models, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and psychodynamic therapy, rely heavily on verbal processing. These models assume that putting emotions into words is the key to working through them. But studies show that men’s emotions are often more deeply tied to action and physical experience than to verbal expression (CFMP).

Michael Addis, a psychologist specializing in men’s mental health, has written extensively about how men are often socialized to suppress emotions or channel them into action rather than discussing them openly. As a result, many men struggle to engage with therapy in a way that feels natural (Michael Addis, PhD). They may find themselves stuck in a cycle of intellectualizing their emotions rather than actually experiencing them, which can slow or even stall meaningful progress.

Another limitation of traditional top-down therapy is its one-on-one nature. While individual therapy can be deeply effective, it lacks the communal and relational experiences that are often essential for men’s emotional growth. Research shows that men process emotions differently in social contexts than in isolated settings. The work of psychologist Niobe Way highlights how peer connection and male friendships are crucial for emotional resilience, yet many men have little access to emotionally rich relationships (Niobe Way, Ed.D). Sitting alone in a room with a therapist may provide insight, but it does not always translate into real-world change.

The final major limitation of traditional therapy is its neglect of the body’s role in emotional healing. Modern neuroscience has confirmed that emotions are not just cognitive experiences but are deeply embedded in the nervous system and the body. Bessel van der Kolk, a leading trauma researcher, has shown that stress and trauma are stored in the body, affecting posture, breath patterns, and muscle tension (Bessel van der Kolk, MD). Yet traditional therapy often focuses solely on cognitive awareness, leaving the physical dimension of emotional processing largely unaddressed.

These limitations do not mean that therapy does not work. But they do suggest that for many men, talk therapy alone is not the most effective or efficient path toward deep and lasting emotional growth.

This is where MELD comes in.

In Part 2, we will explore why somatic, relational, and communal experiences are critical to men’s emotional transformation, and why many therapists now refer men to MELD as a continuation or enhancement of their therapy.